KEN and ARIEL are unemployed bloggers with degrees in English Lit. Naturally, they dispense sex and relationship advice.
Dear Ken & Ariel: At what point in the online relationship is it okay to send racy pictures?
KEN SAYS: I think you answered your own question when you said “online relationship.” What the hell does that even mean? That you’ve developed a deep, meaningful connection with blips on a screen?
I suppose that’s okay so long as you’re willing to accept that the person behind those blips who swears to be a “six foot two, Clooney-esque banker with two yachts, a hovercraft and a passion for cunnilingus” is probably a 14-year-old kid collecting as many boob shots as he can before his folks confiscate his laptop.
That’s perhaps the curse and the blessing of online interaction: You never really know who’s on the other end of the broadband. Just ask my sister about the four months she spent sending suggestive photos to some guy in Brazil who turned out to be a raccoon that lived behind her shed.
Never mind the fact that they ended up getting married and live in a pretty sweet fucking oak tree in Allston, that shit is like a one-in-a-million chance.
Of course, the proliferation of online dating sites indicates that there are millions of said boob shots being sent around the globe, so who am I to question success? All I know is that once you send or post something electronically, you never, never know where it’s going to end up. Hell, just last week I discovered that the vast number of racy video clips and crotch shots I’ve beamed to various paramours have somehow qualified me for a Chinese Emmy.
Getting back to your question, I guess if you keep it anonymous, hiding your face and any distinguishing characteristics (such as a mole or scar or tattoo of Ted Nugent and an eagle fighting Nazis), you could basically lead with that shit. Because nothing will help seal the deal with a potential love interest — be it online or IRL — like a photo of your thong-clad ass with the caption, “How’d you like to park your airplane in this hangar?” Hell, that’s how my grandparents met.
Oh and if you happen to be a female who does have a tattoo of Ted Nugent and an eagle fighting Nazis, please drop everything and get the fuck over to my place immediately.
ARIEL SAYS: Racy pictures? I’d say it depends on the site. On Adult Friend Finder, you don’t send it, you post it as your profile pic. On Plenty of Felons, you put it in the album (or if you want to play nice, caption it “NSFW.”) For E-Harmony, don’t send your pics but rather exchange them the next time you meet in church.
I love racy pictures and their ilk because it levels the playing field; thanks to the Interwebz, anyone can be a pin-up girl. The question is, what’s your inhibition level? Because sending racy pics to someone you met online is virtually the same as posting it to your Twitter feed. It’s going to get RTed. And RTed. If you’re okay with that, then I say go for it. Better yet, create your very own website (or blog) of your greatest visual hits and direct the potential suitor there. Then you also have a little bit more control over who sees the images.
Now, if you work in the corporate world, plan on running for public office, or want to be on American Idol, you should think before you hit “send.” Either that, or, as Ken suggested, make damn sure you cannot be positively identified in the photos.
Unfortunately, thanks to tattoos and unique freckle patterns on my arms and legs (think “Orion” meets “Homer Simpson”), it would be fairly easy to pick me out of a trashy girl line-up.
Also, for the love of Christ, don’t take the pics in your bedroom where a photo of your Nana’s sweet mug graces your bedside table and Uncle Joe’s framed “Footprints” poem is unfortunately positioned right over your Highway to Heaven. Pick an anonymous back-drop.
Like Cleveland.
Need wildly impractical sex advice? From English majors? Send your questions to info@kenandariel.com or visit kenandariel.com.
